God is truly amazing!  Around the same time that my baby's mom gets herself deeper in trouble, things have developed even deeper with a certain someone.  Best part about it is that we've been best friends for years and everything is well-grounded in truly knowing each other - not the physical crap that brings most people (including my ex and I) together.  So when the divorce is finally over with, we can start to establish more contact with each other's families.  She's definitely a keeper and I have no idea why I let myself give in to the convenience of proximity and dependency with my ex in the first place.  My ex destroyed ties with her own family and I was the only person to lift her up, and I let that become too serious.  I had only known her for a few months at that time.  However, I've been best friends with this girl for years and I hate to say that I'm solely responsible for keeping anything from developing earlier.  The important thing is that she's not holding my past against me, we know each other better than my ex and I ever did, we're not physically-based (though there is DEFINITE physical attraction!), and she would make an awesome stepmom for my daughter, if it comes to that.  I guess I had to learn the hard way what to build a relationship on.  Thanks for all the prayers guys!

I really can't stand the way things are going.  Things were finally getting peaceful with my daughter's mom.  We were swapping the baby on a weekly basis so we could share equal time with her until the divorce was finalized.  Then all of a sudden, she tells me that she's keeping her down there and that she will never bring her back to stay with me again.  Supposedly, her lawyer told her so.  I seriously doubt that.

So here I am, doing what I can to move my life forward.  I have no romantic feelings for my soon-to-be-ex-wife left.  Starting school again Monday for the first time since I met her.  Working and doing well at a new job.  But the one who means the most to me, my little angel, is out of reach.  I know God allows all things to happen for the good of His people, so I know that somehow, something good will come out of this crap.  I also know that one day she will have to answer for what she's done, doing, and will do.  Though she most likely won't suffer any consequences for poor choices during this life, she will later.

I just hope that I continue to live a righteous life, because I have enough to answer for already when my day of judgment comes.

So yeah, my wife was served her divorce papers and all of a sudden was willing to cooperate and let me see my daughter.  I had her from last Saturday til today and had a total blast, as did she.  Well, when I brought her back to her mother today, something happened that I totally did not expect.  I can't stand even speaking to my whore of a wife, but she was looking VERY good.  Wearing a low-cut top and tight jeans, I had a very hard to resist urge to rip her clothes off and go back to old times.  That really confuses me.  I can't stand talking to her.  Everything about her pisses me off.  But when I see her, I want to become an animal.  And even before the separation, we hadn't had sex for months - and before then, it was a few months.  It was never my choice to stop being intimate - I just respected her wishes.

Combine that with having two coworkers at my first day on the job hit on me very blatantly and being over 1000 miles from the girl I want to be with and you have a lot of frustration.  Any tips from anybody on what the heck to do here other than hope I'll be able to turn off my drive until I remarry?

Wow... I'm going crazy here.  Things are really looking up though.  I finally got all the divorce papers filled out and sent to the lawyer, so she will be served early next week.  My girlfriend is amazing and it's far from a rebound - I knew her for years before I even met my ex-wife.  I'll be working soon finally. I'm getting involved with helping my church's youth group.

Bad news: my wife is keeping me from seeing my daughter.  The best job opportunity I had went to hell becaue of my credit report.  But it's not a total loss, because I haven't given up.  I left the Director of Human Resources for the whole company a voicemail yesterday and am calling him again Monday morning as soon as he's in the office.

God is in control, and everything will happen according to His plan.  As long as I stay in line, my life will be what it should be.

I'm feeling pretty good about this whole thing now.  I've got my life in line again, figured out an achievable 5-year plan, and as contact dissolves with my soon-to-be-ex-wife's family, I'm finding that I'm much less stressed out.  I don't have to work 3 jobs anymore to make ends meet, one will suffice.  As soon as I get a full time job, which should be very soon, I'll be able to get back into school.  Dropping music as my profession and switching to nursing.  Of course, that means I have 4 solid years of college ahead of me when I'm almost 23, but it doesn't matter that I'll be older than the rest of the class - what matters is that I'm the best I can be for myself and my daughter.  I've got a good idea of where I want to move to after I finish my RN certification where I can work a REAL job and still go to college to get my BS in Nursing where there's a much lower cost of living than what I'm accustomed to.  Heck, I'm even finding myself getting closer to a girl I've been best friends with for years - until my wife told me not to talk to her anymore out of jealousy even though there was no infidelity whatsoever.  Interestingly enough, she lives in that particular area and is also switching her major to nursing this year.  Obviously, nothing will develop until the divorce is finalized, but we've talked about it and we want to give it a shot.  She loves kids (especially mine), loves the Lord, has the same child-rearing ideas as I do, is responsible, is very intelligent, and is very much into me.  Only thing I'm worried about is the fact she looks a lot better than I do.  In most cases, the gorgeous girl will leave the goofy guy.  That's what happened this past time around - but the new guy is REALLY ugly.  Kind of reminds me of Fat Bastard from the Austin Powers movies, but Hispanic.  Anyway, things are really looking up and I can only praise God for His incredible blessings each and every day!